Fibromyalgia is slowly killing what was going to be my life

Fibromyalgia is slowly killing me. Take parts of me, my strength, my pride and my soul. The diagnosis of fibromyalgia is the death sentence, for what was once a normal life. I have lived with this for seven years, and I have not yet finished what I had thought, I should, right now, be preparing to study a year abroad. I should speak fluently in another language. I should have a hangover every Sunday after spending a night out with friends. Instead, I lie in bed, all day, every day. Or I stay on the couch. I go to someone else’s house and lie on his bed or on his sofa. Fibromyalgia is an archenemy, jealous. He is always there trying to defeat me. It’s like the villain in an old silent movie. Instead of the audience knowing that the villain is there and the protagonist does not realize, in this case, only I can see him and my audience is blind.

It is as if my physical and emotional strength were made of small chips. Each recoil removes one from me. I don’t know how long it will take until everything in me falls apart. Fibromyalgia has taken my foundations away. The foundations I built for more than twenty years, living my life. I feel like a  Jenga game , every time fibromyalgia hits me ,  I go one step closer to falling to the ground. Maybe I’ve already crashed and hit. Maybe I am at the bottom. If I didn’t know what this condition is like, I’d say it’s probably there. This is the lowest I think it could be. I could experience the worst pain I’ve had, and my fibromyalgia treats it as a challenge because I know that next time it will be worse. Some outbreaks are better than others, but they test my physical and emotional strength, more than I could have imagined before. Fibromyalgia is not an imaginary excuse. I would never have chosen this life for myself, and if I had the option of getting rid of the demon that sustains me, I would do so without hesitation. This is my life. This is real. This is me, is and will be with me at every moment of the day, for the rest of my life. The devil whispered yesterday in my ear“You are not strong enough to withstand the storm” Today I whispered in the devil’s ear “I am the storm” I am a fibromyalgia warrior. Jessica Stredd Pudicombe 

Also, there are nights like this, when I feel lost. Lost in emotion, in thoughts, in pain and in what is to come. We fully understand the ups and downs of our emotions, happy one minute, then angry, then sad, then nervous, then etc., etc. It is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Add other chronic diseases and it’s hell! Man, woman, the burden of chronic disease brings down our world. Sometimes we feel that things are under control. We have reached an agreement with our reality, we know that things will never be what they were, and we adapt and learn to live with what our life has become. But sometimes, sometimes, the reality of what lies ahead breaks through and outweighs our lives. We know that our life, as we knew it, will never be the same. The life we ​​once enjoyed has been destroyed by this evil force that dictates what we do, and what we cannot do. There are good days and bad days, maximum, minimum, high and low. We used to look and plan for the future, or live in the present with those we love. Now what does it consist of? In nothing! The plans we made with friends, well, maybe it’s another time. The party with our family, well, go and give my regards. Making plans is like any game at the fair, it is unpredictable. We want more than anything to be part of all the plans that have been made, but we cannot guarantee anything. We really want to be part of what our families do, we want to be able to make plans and follow them. We want to work, we want to go out, we want to be part of the world we were once involved in. Sometimes we have to say no, 

We can say no, not today. Other times we will say yes, we will continue with the plans, we try to be part of life, for once, we can at least pretend and say it was fun, it was great to leave. But tomorrow passes. Our bodies say you were thinking ?! The life we ​​once met is so different from what we thought it would be. We really strive to maintain a certain appearance of what we think things might be. But nobody, nobody is prepared for this life we ​​are living. We will continue trying to maintain the plans we have made, but please do not get angry or judge us if they change. We fight to maintain a “normal” life, which has been taken away from us. What we have left? From now on, all we can do is be positive, humble, and above all, be patient with ourselves. Take some time for us, take time to cry with us, take time to reflect, take time to learn with us, what is our new normal. And, above all, take a minute to focus on ourselves, what works for us and what makes us happy. Learn to live this new existence, learn to appreciate what we can still live and love every day. Take it one day at a time, live day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Learn to appreciate what we can still live and love every day. Take it one day at a time, live day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Learn to appreciate what we can still live and love every day. Take it one day at a time, live day by day, hour by hour or minute by minute. Embrace what you have and learn to live and love life as you can!
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